Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
