I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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