Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just googled if crying burns calories
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The Olympian is in my bed
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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