I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
the raccoons are back...
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