her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
