That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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