I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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