My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
