Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
