Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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