listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
