they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
