Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
