i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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