Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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