I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
