Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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