I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize