I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
