you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
