no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
