we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
