420 ftw
Please, let me fuck your mom
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize