He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
