Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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