i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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