Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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