...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
