U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
