Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
