If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
