I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
