i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize