this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
