if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
