Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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