Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
