wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
