the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
