Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
this will be a night to untag.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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