Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
