They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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