Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
