i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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