so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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