Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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