Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
