Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
