I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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