I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
