I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
