I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my shit smells like andre
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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