I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
