i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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