It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
