she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
