Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
