You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
