You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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