so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
