ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
