so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just found puke in my bra..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
