Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
