i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
